AA: THOUGHTS ON A ‘TRADITIONAL’ RECOVERY
We live in a world where we are so fortunate to have many different methods of “choosing your own adventure” with regards to your relationship with alcohol. Whether you’re looking to cut booze out entirely or learn to moderate, there are hundreds of different methods, including free apps, paid apps, sober coaches, 8-week plans, 30-day challenges, and one of the most traditional programs: Alcoholics Anonymous. Now I’ve mentioned the elephant in the room. Since becoming sober-curious back in January 2021, I’ve read countless best-seller “Quit Lit” books and downloaded several popular types of apps. They all seemed to have one theme in common: They all either completely trashed AA (i.e. Quit Like a Woman, by Holly Whitaker, which was my introduction into the sober-curious world), or more politely dismissed AA for a variety of reasons.
For an entire year, I avoided AA like the plague, convinced that I could get sober or simply moderate through the sober community and by sticking to my apps, just like these iconic alcohol-free rockstars I was reading about. It felt like going to AA was the last resort - something for those that weren’t cool or radical enough to get sober with these new, alternative methods. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to work for me to stay sober.
After a rather dangerous binge-drinking episode in Las Vegas earlier this year, I decided that once and for all I was done with booze. The only thing I hadn’t tried was that elephant in the room - Alcoholics Anonymous.
Fortunately, I had a direct connection to the program - somebody I knew through work had graciously mentioned to me that she was part of AA when I’d asked her if she wanted to go out to happy hour at one point. It took me three weeks of making excuses and hyping myself up with my therapist to finally get the courage to ask her out for coffee.
Fifteen minutes into our coffee date, I forced myself to stop beating around the bush and I broached the topic of sober celebrities. This naturally led right into the topic I wanted to discuss with her: sobriety. When I told her I was looking to get sober once and for all, and that I had scared the shit out of myself with my most recent drinking episode in Vegas (not to mention my drinking in general for the last 13 years), she invited me to join a Newcomer’s meeting which she happened to run on Saturday mornings. I immediately told her I had plans that particular Saturday (which I definitely did not). She was so cool and relaxed and told me that was no problem - I could come any Saturday that I wanted. As we chatted some more about the program, I loved that she addressed so many of my concerns without me even having to ask - like she knew exactly what type of stereotypes there was about AA.
“People might say you joined a cult,” she joked, “But seriously, you should just come, try it out, and take what pieces of the program work for you.” That really resonated with me, so I decided to ditch my fake Saturday plans, get out of my comfort zone, and attend this Newcomer's meeting.
The meeting was absolutely nothing like I expected. Unlike what I had seen on TV or in the movies, the meeting wasn’t held in a dark, dingy room. The people didn’t look like the life had been sucked out of them. In fact, it was just the opposite; most people looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
What surprised me most was how much laughter there was during the meeting. Some of the shares were heavier than others, but many people shared stories from their drinking days which got a lot of relatable chuckles. And almost everybody’s story ended with gratitude for the program - it had changed their life. The energy of the room felt so positive and electric. Even though my social anxiety caused me to practically run out of the room as soon as the meeting ended, I knew immediately that I wanted to come back.
Over the months, the meetings have continued to surprise me. Many people in my group aren’t a traditional image of what you’d consider an “alcoholic.” Many people never hit a stereotypical “rock bottom,” but luckily, they were able to recognize that they were headed in that direction. Therefore, they were willing to commit to making a lifestyle change. This is something that has been really important for me to hear. I feel like AA has a heavy stigma — that to be a part of the program, you have to have been homeless, had a DUI, or be drinking vodka out of your coffee tumbler every morning (although to be fair, at the end of my drinking days, I did start drinking vodka in the mornings to “fight off a hangover”). So many people in my group are just like I was - somebody who didn’t have to drink EVERY day, but on the days we did drink, we drank to blackout.
As far as the “12 steps” go, almost everything I assumed about them has turned out to be untrue. Although some of the things I’ve read in the Big Book (considered the “Northstar” of the Alcoholics Anonymous program) seem a little outdated, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed everything I’ve learned so far. I think it definitely helps to have a sponsor that is aligned with me as far as religious beliefs, our political views, and thoughts on drinking NA beer.
I absolutely love the sense of community that AA brings to my life. I truly admire and applaud those who are able to get sober by virtually connecting with people on apps like Reframe, but for me, I love that sense of accountability by showing up every Saturday and seeing other real-life, sober humans. I like hanging out after the meeting has ended and getting to know people better, including my sponsor. I look forward to the day when I can give back and help keep somebody else accountable.
I realize that many people’s experiences with AA did not involve a sponsor like mine or include a meeting that is full of like-minded people. But, I’m willing to bet money that there are sponsors and other meetings that align with your views. I would advise that you think carefully about who is agreeing to sponsor you. Ask questions about things that are important to you, specifically in sobriety. You don’t have to accept the first sponsor that you meet. Also, if you don’t like a meeting, don't go back! My therapist impressed upon me that finding the right meeting was kind of like dating and that it takes time to find one that works for you. I’m lucky that the first one I walked into worked out so well, but I’ve been to other meetings since then that did not feel like a good fit, and I didn’t feel obligated to go back.
If you’re curious about trying out AA, I highly encourage it! It makes me sad how polarized I feel like people are with AA versus other recovery methods. I truly believe in taking pieces of whichever type of recovery works for you. Although I’ve been going to AA for over five months, I don’t agree with every single thing that’s said or done in the literature or in every meeting. I’m not close-minded enough to say that it’s an absolutely perfect program. But I am open-minded enough to realize that it has changed my life, and the pros have outweighed the cons. Don’t get me wrong - I still love the sober Instagram community, I still read different types of Quit Lit books, and I still use Reframe on my phone on a regular basis. Using different pieces of recovery is important to me because it keeps me open-minded and accountable in multiple ways.
The bottom line? You can be a sober rockstar no matter which path you choose! I heard once that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all recovery method. I’ve found that to be so true. Everybody is different - some people in recovery will prefer a more “modern” route by choosing to use apps like Reframe; others will be more “traditional” with the AA approach. Or, if you’re like me, you’ll take pieces from both of these approaches. It’s okay to take the pieces you need from whatever works in any particular moment, day, or year. Everybody should be able to get/stay sober however they choose, without judgment and without judging.
About the Author:
I'm Kellie B! Big fan of the sober lifestyle & sober community. Lover of reading, writing, hiking, and spending time with my husband and our 3 dogs.